When do boys become men?

I suppose this seems like a random question but it is one that has been brought to the forefront of my mind since my little brother just turned thirteen last week!

Most of us automatically think that a male is not a man until at least eighteen, when he is legally able to make his own way in the world.  Some (though most eventually realize this is wrong) don't think manhood is achieved until the individual has "scored".  Others have standards that should be met such as living on your own, purchasing a car, getting a "grown-up" job, graduating with the desired degree... the list goes on.  So which of these is right?  Are any of them right?  Are we setting our sights too high, or low, for the induction into manhood?

Obviously, I'm not a man, but I am married to one, the daughter of one and I hope to be the mother of one someday and so I think this is something I am qualified, if not required, to think about.  My Dad actually started it all when my Bro's B-day was approaching.  This is the first teenage boy my parents have ever had and Dad is taking the responsibility of making sure they understand manhood and its responsibilities.  As such he has decided that 13 will be "The Year of Man", with the goal that at my brother's 14 birthday we will declare him a man.  He doesn't have it all planned out yet but has been thinking about and planning for this year for a while now.  He has been doing some background research on what ages boys were considered men in the past and found some surprises.  One, teenager is a new stage of life that has recently been added to our ideas of development.  Previously males were either boys or men, there wasn't much of an in-between time.  While 'young men' were expected to respect their elders, they were still considered men and held responsible as such.  Two, boys were often considered men at a much younger age than we think of today.  Boys as young as 14 chose to fight in the civil war and fathers from WWII wrote home to encourage their 13, 14 and 15 year olds to 'play the man' and 'be the man of the house' in their fathers' absences.  Third, following the revelations above, children were expected to grow up much more quickly and take on more responsibility at young ages than most adults think them capable of.  Dad already kinda had this one down even when my sister and I were little.  Being on a farm exposed us to many more dangers than children in other environments and as such we had to learn at a young age what was safe and what wasn't.  In addition, everyone must contribute for the welfare of the family, so we were in charge of animal care, tractor driving and other high responsibility chores at a young age.

So all of these things explain my Dad's choice for the age of transition to be 14, but not what is expected of my brother when he reaches that age, what it means to be a man.

Part of this definition is going to be controversial and seem politically incorrect, but I agree with my Dad on most of it.  I also agree with him that the reason it seems so politically incorrect is b/c our culture has been fixated on emasculating men for the last forty years.  Characteristics that used to be hailed as manly and honorable in men are now seen as chauvinistic, domineering and demeaning to women.  In addition to this society has been striving to deny the differences between men and women, saying that aside from hormones men and women are essentially the same.  Accepting some of the definitions I am going to present assumes you agree with the fact that "God created them male and female" and that that distinction means something.  So with that preface below is a list of what makes up a man with some explanation where it might be needed.  I by no means think this list is complete, but I do think it is something to consider and seriously think about since it so intimately touches all of our lives.

A Man is:
~A Warrior/ Doer/ Risk Taker: He is always ready to take action when action is called for, even when that action is difficult or dangerous, he is willing to act on what is right regardless of the opposition.  (Counter part to the fact that a woman tends to be the nurturer and nester.)

~Decisive: Prepared to make decisions and accept the consequences.

~Intentional: A man does not let life happen to him, he plans as best he can the course he wants his life to take and then pursues it.  When things derail the plans, he considers his options and chooses where he will go from there.

~A Protector/ Provider: This attribute requires accepting that your wife and family need protecting in both physical and emotional ways.  This also involves making distinctions between what are truly needs and what are wants, inescapably this will mean making some unpopular decisions as well.

~ A Counter-part to a Woman: This involves recognizing, accepting and respecting the differences between the sexes and remembering that both halves are needed to form 'one flesh' in marriage.

~Self-sacrificing: (even when it goes unnoticed and unappreciated)

~Self-controlling/ Long-suffering: Involves remembering that your responses and opinions mean so much more to your family or wife than anyone else's opinion (at least until your kid is a teenager).

Well that's our list for now.  Do we expect my brother to have fully understood and practiced all of these in the next year?  Of course not, that's why he is still at home and learning.  Does my Dad hope to introduce him to all of these qualities and what is expected of a man in the next year?  Yes.  Is he going to get it perfect?  Of course not, but it is a start, it is a beginning to addressing and correcting a great void and need in our culture for mature men.

Dad and Mom are still trying to decide how the year will end, how formal this transition will be and what different expectations and treatments he will get once it is finished.  While I am still processing through all of these ideas I am so excited about their decision to take this on.  I love that they are leaving an example for Chris and I, and even if they don't get it right, or if I think they make a mistake, it is still an example.  Something for us to learn from, whether that means emulating them or avoiding their choices.  After all that's part of what parents are for, teaching us through example.

So what do you think a man is?  When you picture a good man, what qualities stick out?  Dad gave Chris and I some Bible Character studies to look at for good examples when we feel at a loss for modern examples, they included Joshua, Caleb, Elijah, Job, and, of course, Jesus.