An old challenge for a new generation...

When previously asked about our plans for a family, Chris and I always answered that we want to be finished with school, Chris in a job and feeling fairly stable before bringing children into our lives.  Far from being questioned we were always praised for the maturity of this decision and then told deplorable tales of parents who didn't make such a 'good' decision and the hardships they were now facing, until last summer that is. 

Over the summer we listened to a conference hosted by Vision Forum that challenged our views on the timing and control of child bearing.  This included questions we had never asked, or been asked, and points about birth control and parenting we have never encountered before.  It challenged the idea that we should be in control of how many children our marriage brings in to the world, it exposed the motivation behind such control, it pointed out that the church's stance on birth control of any kind has been historically negative and the Catholic church still (mostly) holds that negative stance, but mostly it quoted verse after verse and applied other commonly accepted Biblical principles to this touchy subject.

I was crushed at the prospect that we might have been disobeying the Lord for the last four years and we were both convicted that we had never laid this question before the Lord.  Out of all the things we had asked Him and all the decisions we had laid at His feet, we had never even considered asking Him when we should have children or how many we should have.  We followed the culture in the assumption that we should be in control of that and the 'responsible' choice was to prevent children until we were 'ready'.  Hearing the same thing from the church we never questioned this decision.  Looking at it point blank we realized how foolish that was and committed the next five months to prayer, study of God's word and seek counsel from family and mentors in our lives.

Our study revealed that children are a blessing and inheritance from the Lord.  Over and over again you will hear this in scripture, not only that but we see example after example of families longing for children and rejoicing when they are entrusted with them.  Looking through church history we consistently see theologians denouncing the prevention of children by any means, only until the late 50's did this stance begin to change.  From Luther to Calvin to St. Augustine to church father's I previously didn't know about, the stance was that children are a blessing and it was a grave crime against the Lord, the unborn, the church and your wife to try to prevent them.  We saw how other principles of scripture could/should apply to this area of our life but we just hadn't considered them previously.  The main one that hit me was the exhortation to trust the Lord.  We are told from the pulpit to trust the Lord with our calling, who our future spouse will be, with our finances, to provide a job, but never with how many children we are to have.  We also became sadly aware of how many Birth Control pills and methods actually work as abortifacients, causing the early abortion of of conceived babies before they can implant into the uterus.  Finally, this study through scripture revealed that families are one of the ways God increases His kingdom.  Yes, people converted to Christianity from outside the church are precious and valuable members, but Christians who were raised in a Christian home have such a huge advantage!  We can tackle questions that possibly our parents weren't able to get to, we have great examples to learn from for all areas of our life, and we can skip some struggles our parents had to endure and learn from because they told us about those.

We received conflicting counsel from the people we sought out.  Some encouraged us to completely trust the Lord with this area of our lives, some said we should keep doing exactly what we were, and several counseled us to follow a 'middle' path of not using the pill but possibly using other methods of control.

At the end of this time we came together with the conclusion that we definitely should not have as much control over this area as we have.  Chris was especially convicted by the realization that this is not a new question, that church fathers discussed and counseled on this throughout church history and ultimately who are we to stand and argue with them?  Not saying the church fathers were perfect and got everything right, but when facing such a united front you really need to have a good counterargument, and we really didn't find one.  I was especially convicted by the thought that I might be denying the Lord in a way He might want to use me, that I was saying 'no' to potential blessings He might want to entrust us with.  I was also convicted that I do my best to trust the Lord in every other area of my life and yet have been withholding this from Him.

So as of January 4th we stopped the pill!

That's as far as we have gotten however.  We aren't going cold turkey.  We have decided to use other forms of control for at least 6 months, partly to get my body healthy (I have had some minor health quirks while on the pill), partly because we have heard of lots of ladies who have suffered miscarriages after only being off the pill 3-4 months, but also because we aren't positive what the next step should be.  We are both convicted that we shouldn't have as much control as we have with the pill, but we aren't as united on how much control we should have.  So we are going to be praying some more over the next few months and hopefully we will be more united at that time.  If not, we will follow what Chris thinks best since, as the head of our family, he is ultimately responsible for our welfare and thus deserves authority to make that final call.

We are not sharing this decision to guilt anyone into making a similar one.  We are sharing because of the fact that no one had presented us with these questions or ideas before and we wish they had!  Since the softening of the church's stance (well the Protestant churches) the pulpit has gone silent on this issue and it makes me sad.  I do not think that what we are doing now is for everyone, but I do think that it should be a conscious, prayerful decision couples make, not just something we do because everyone else is doing it.  Yes it might seem strange, but isn't that to some degree what we are called to be as Christians?  Strangers in a foreign land?

One of the questions we are still grappling with is what to do about the stewardship question.  We are called to be good stewards of our means, but does this include controlling how many children we should have when we are concerned about providing for them?  So far our answer is no, children don't fit into the category of something we should steward in that sense... but it is still tempting to use that excuse!  We are scared of the prospect of having children while I am still in a PhD and Chris is still working on His Masters, please don't think we haven't thought about the implications and challenges that would pose!  But we are also confident that this is where the Lord is leading us, and where He has pointed the way in the past He has always provided so we are trusting Him to do the same here. 

A Hard Truth for the New Year

So this is the time of year for reflecting on the past and planning for the future, a time for assessment of where we have been, resolutions and renewed determinations.  As you well know this last year has involved a lot of changes and growth for me and my family, and while I like to think I've done well through all of this, genuine evaluation shows me lacking in several ways that I hope to change through God's grace.

When the Lord called us to Florida I obeyed, but not really willingly or happily.  I think I kept hoping that this was going to be temporary, that like the story of Abraham and Isac God would change his mind and open a different path.  But that never happened.  Quite the opposite, we have had multiple affirmations that this is where God wants us right now.  Instead of soothing my spirit this actually made me angry with God for a time.  In spite of all the blessings and provisions and conformations, I did NOT want to be in Florida, and I was angry at God for making me stay.  I always suppressed these feelings and didn't even acknowledge that I was feeling this way until shortly after we got back to Florida and it all came pouring out while I was talking with Chris about how hard it was to leave the family and come back to the intense schedule of school.  I felt awful when I realized what was going on in my heart and the pride and rebellion I was finding there.  What a lot of it boiled down to was I didn't think God had our best in mind, that I knew better than Him but He just wasn't listening.  So one long, hard night I poured it all out to the Lord, I explained every little thing I was mad about and confessed my pride and fear.  It was exhausting and my amazing husband helped me get through. 

After all that as I looked back over the last few months I could see how that hidden resentment had been coloring my life.  I have been enduring, or surviving my time here instead of finding contentment and joy where God had placed me.  I haven't been giving my best to my projects, school or new relationships.  I've been withholding my heart from being too connected to this place or the people here, always lamenting in my heart how much better life would be were we somewhere else. 

I know its ugly, but I tell you all of this so you can understand why I am making the commitments I am for this next year, why they are hard for me and so that maybe you can keep me accountable and encourage me along the way.  I know I cannot do the things I desire through my own strength, that it is going to be an act of God through me, but I also know that I have a role in this process and I have to submit to His work in my life.

James 1:2-3 says "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."  I didn't used to think this verse applied to my life because I thought in order to count as trials you had to go through something extreme like cancer or severe persecution.  You know trials with a capital T.  As I work through this issue of being content where God has put me however, I see a broader application of the word 'trials'.  Trials can happen in the everyday, seemingly mundane choices we make.  Do I snap at my spouse or do I use kind words?  Do I bemoan my lot in life or do I roll up my sleeves and work cheerfully?  Do I despair or get angry when my school schedule has to change, or do I accept it graciously and plan as best as I can around it?  Do I focus on the negative in my day or look for the positives and gifts the Lord sends my way?  Do I watch that program that I know can make me discontent or steal my time?  You don't have to be a Christian in a Muslim country to have your faith tested, trials come to us on a daily basis and it is these smaller trials that prepare us for the capital T trials.

So with all this in mind I have several big goals for myself in the coming year.  Yes I do have a few of the typical weight and lifestyle goals, but they have been overshadowed in the last week by my renewed awareness of this area of my life that is in much more need of renovation. As it turns out Philippians may be my theme book in 2011!

Goal # 1 - Renewed joy in my life.  "Rejoice in the Lord always; and again I say Rejoice!" Phil. 4:4  I know we all know this verse but it really hit me the other day that somewhere along the line I have lost most of my joy.  I have allowed my joy to depend on my circumstances, so it has not been a secure joy.  I want this verse to be true in my life that I can always rejoice in the Lord.

Goal # 2 - Contentment in where God places me.  "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in."  Phil. 4:11  So this sort of connects to the previous goal with some modifications.  I have struggled with contentment on various levels for quite some time.  I want to be content wherever the Lord leads me, and with whatever circumstances that involves, and for now that is Florida.

Goal # 3 - Allowing the peace of God to fill me and letting go of my fears/worry.  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:6-7  I love to plan, but my planning often leads to worry, stress and fear.  I don't want my life to be defined by these things!  I should find peace and rest in where God has brought us and the fact that He has it all under control, instead of freaking out that my life isn't going how I thought it would.  Being peaceful for me is going to mean a lot of letting go and trusting the Lord for what He will do in my future (yeah it does all seem to funnel back to trust again, you'd think I'd have learned this lesson by now right?).

Those are my three heavy goals for the next year.  I covet your prayers as I move forward in anticipation of what God will do in my life as He continues to mold and make me.

Bowling Green Sweet Bowling Green

So while we were up North we really wanted to spend some time with our friends in Bowling Green!  My friend Sarah was kind enough to host us while we hooped from her place to several other friends houses too!  Even though we weren't able to stay long it was so refreshing to visit with our friends and catch up on what was going on in their lives!  While there we also caught up with Rashae and Mylo and AJ and Adrienne (and got to see their new apartment).  We were also able to go to Yuki's (a favorite sushi restaurant in BG) and drive by our old apartment.  It was a little sad to see the place but Chris reminded me of all the good memories we made there and that it is appropriate for us to move on.  Wherever the Lord may lead us we will always have a soft spot in our hearts for Bowling Green, a place where we made many lifelong friendships, had our first home and did a lot of growing up!

The newest brother...

Alex loved making a snowman!

Many of you have kept up on my parents progress through this most recent adoption and rejoiced with them when Alex finally made it home.  Since then I haven't really had much to update on because I haven't been able to meet him myself, but now I can fix that!!!

Alex had a challenging start when he first came home, he ended up pushing the other children away and making life relatively hard for himself by insisting on doing stuff his way, but he has grown a lot since then and some better qualities are showing through. 

When we first got to Mom and Dad's Alex was very quiet, we got hugs and he would answer our questions, but he didn't initiate conversation.  We were surprised at the kids descriptions of how active Alex normally was and after a week or so he must have gotten comfortable and we could see what they were talking about!  He is constantly moving, and once his shyness wore off he always wanted to know what you were doing, whether on the computer or cooking he had questions!  He also loves television and video games!  As soon as he would get in from chores he wanted to know if it was his turn to play, Mom had to limit him some but we all got some fun in, especially with some of his new games from Christmas!

His English has improved by leaps and bounds, and apparently he learned really good phonics skills while in Ukraine.  Chris and I would be taken off guard when he would sound out a long or unfamiliar word and then ask us what it meant!  While he doesn't have the vocabulary to match the phonics yet, the phonics will really help as he continues to learn how to read English.

His relation skills with the other kids has also improved, but they are somewhat hesitant around him now due to his earlier behavior.  I knew this would be a possibility and that this will pass as Alex continues to become part of the family, but it is still hard to watch sometimes.  Some exciting improvements however include his heartwarming concern for little brother while he had appendicitis and how much he has started to play pretend with Hannah.

In short it has been an intense adjustment for the family, but it is all part of the growing pains of adding a new brother, and the joys of seeing him interact positively are quickly outpacing the hard times.

Christmas Extravaganza!

Christmas is always fun but its even better when you get to watch little people experience it!  They bring extra wonder and excitement to the season that us grown ups have all too often forgot.

Due to busy circumstances the tree was not up yet when Chris and I got to Mom's, so we got to help pick it out!  I was really excited about doing this because for the first time in our married life we did not put up a tree this year. Since it was so close to Christmas the pickn's were pretty slim at the place we usually buy trees but we were instructed to check a new place down the road.  They still had some beautiful trees at a better price, but the owner was now where to be found!  Eventually a neighbor came and helped us and we were off with our tree!

Tying the tree down...

Hannah forgot her coat but was still gorgeous!

Once the tree was home it had to wait a few days to be decorated since little brother's emergency happened shortly after we brought it home.

In preparation for Christmas we made a trip to town to get all the fixin's for breakfast and meals to come, along with some special things for Christmas.  During this trip Daniel found some decorations he wanted to contribute to the tree.  Once home again it was time to decorate!  Since we had lots of fragile ornaments, I passed them out one at a time for the younger ones to put on the tree.

Finding just the right spot...

Dan with one of his contributions...

Mom and Bubba enjoying the show...

Dad getting Daniel's ornaments open.

 Christmas morning brought the excitement only a nine year old waiting on Santa could convey.  "Can't you wait?" was Hannah's quote of the week leading up to Christmas in reference to not being able to wait for Santa to come!  The kids kept asking us what we were going to get for Pandora, we assured them several times that we wouldn't need to get her anything since she would be excited about all the boxes and paper... we were right!  As soon as the first box was open she climbed in and made herself comfortable, that ended up being her spot through the rest of present opening!

Lining up youngest to oldest...

First sight of all the presents!

The first present to be opened!

Alex was excited about this movie!

Pandora dived in as soon as Hannah was done!

Deborah was sooo excited about this game!

Deborah and Mom often listen to Dave Ramsey's talk show while washing dishes, as such Deborah is a huge fan and really wanted to try one of the games Dave created.  Apparently you see who can get out of debt first, the first one out gets to shout 'I'm debt free!'

While doing some Christmas shopping on ebay, Mom and Dad discovered that folks were selling some toys that they both played with as kids!  Johnny and Jane West with their horses!  They figured out that they were probably playing with them during the same years when they were kids and hadn't even thought of each other yet.  For me this was just one more conformation that God made my parents for each other!  They decided to get some of these toys for the kids to play with, partly just because it was fun and brought back memories but mostly because they have been trying to find modestly dressed dolls for the girls to play with.

Beth liked her flying pig!

 

 

 

 

 

Some very special horses!

Dad and Granddaddy guarding some presents!

 Granddaddy coming to watch us kids open presents on Christmas morning is a really neat tradition that started several years ago, I'm not really sure when!  It is always fun to have him over and share in the excitement of the morning, and breakfast after the present explosion!

Sleepy present openers!

 It was so nice to be with the family over Christmas!  I got a special present the night before, a fresh snowfall!  Yes, I know I'm kind of obsessed, but snow on Christmas Eve is just so cool!  Now on to play!

Poor Brother...

Mom always jokes that I bring the chaos, I just think Gos waits til I'm there so extra hands are available to help!  Maybe one day there won't be such huge drama when I come to visit.

The drama this trip fell on my youngest brother.  The day after we got to Mom and Dad's his stomach began to hurt.  He sometimes has stomach issues so we didn't think too much about it, but it continued and intensified through the night until Mom decided he needed to go to the emergency room the next day.  We were supposed to go to one of the family's parties, so Mom headed to the hospital and we loaded up everyone else.  It was nice to visit but we were all distracted with concern for little brother.  Alex however was fun to watch since he has never been to an American Christmas.  He was so excited when he got his present and did a great job thanking everyone for it, once it was open I don't think he put down his new game until we got home again!

Apparently at the hospital they began running tests on Bubba to figure out what was going on.  He wasn't running a fever and the blood/urine tests came back fine.  They eventually did a CT scan to be sure he didn't have intestinal blockage.  This made us all nervous since we have had family members with severe reactions to the dye used in the procedure.  Fortunately he did not experience a reaction, but the CT scan didn't reveal much either.  They ultimately decided to remove his appendix since nothing else was showing up.

Once the decision was made the operation happened fast, he was in OR within 40 minutes and finished about 45 minutes after that.  When he woke up later he felt much better and he was able to come home the next day.  Unfortunately the pain killers he was on upset his stomach, which hurt his incision due to him clench his ab muscles.  The poor guy really wanted Mom or Dad there as much as possible so Chris and I did as much as we could to help in their absence.  Once we got him off the pain killer, and it got out of his system, he started improving quickly and was up and around in a couple days.

While he still can't lift stuff, he was well enough to travel by Christmas and to help wrap presents Christmas eve.  Near New Year Day he got a gun he'd been saving for and was doing well enough to go hunting with it! Praise God for doctors and His healing hand on little brother this Christmas season!

My husband the Lumberjack!

The shavings stained his pants green!

Both Chris and I always look forward to the wood stove at my parents house.  It is so nice to sit beside the stove and just 'let your bones bake' as my Dad says.  In addition to enjoying the wood stove Chris was looking forward to helping fuel the wood stove!  After learning how to cut wood a couple summers ago Chris has been a huge fan.  He tells me he enjoys the sense of accomplishment he gets when cutting wood, he is able to tangibly see his progress and enjoy the fruit of his labor.

There were three hedgeapple trees down at the other farm so Chris and the boys worked on it soon after we arrived at Mom and Dad's.  Hedgeapple is really good to burn in the wood stove because it burns hot and for a longer time than many other woods, but this quality is derived from how hard the wood is which means it is also harder to split!  Fortunately, most of the tree was small enough in diameter that Chris only needed to cut in into appropriate lengths for the stove.  After Christmas the weather warmed up and the ground was too soft for them to work at the other farm, so Dad helped take down a tree near the house that was rotting out in the center.  After a full day of practice and work with the chain saw Chris got to 'graduate' to a new chain, this made his second day easier until the new chain became loose and he had to switch to one of the other saws.  In spite of sore muscles I think this was one of the highlights of Chris' trip home!

Splitting with Alex...

After the snow melted...

The boys stacked and took brush away.

Alex helping stack.

Nothing as cute as a Beagle pup!

Jill couldn't hold still while she had her toy!

Mom and Dad recently got a pair of Beagle puppies for the boys to go rabbit hunting with.  They had some Tennessee Walkers for them to go raccoon hunting with before but they got too big for the kids to handle and were returned to the sellers.  The idea with the beagles is they will stay small and easy to handle even when grown up.  Additionally they are really friendly and will make great family dogs.  The trick is to keep them from running off!

Beagles love to go hunting on their own and, unless they have a good relationship with their handlers, will refuse to come when called once on a trail.  To try and form a good relationship with the dogs and the family these dogs get something almost no other Garland dog gets, to live inside!  The idea is that they will be around the family enough to like them and hopefully listen to them more.  The advantage for the rest of us is that we get to see and play with them quite often!  They are a brother and sister, the boy's name is Jack and the girl is (you guessed it!) Jill.  Dad has always felt it good to keep hunting dog's names to one syllable so you can give them commands more quickly.

Mmmm, Rope!

Hannah, our biggest dog lover by far, has taken much of the responsibility for the pups by letting them in and out, feeding them and cleaning up after them too.  And boy do they love playing with her!  Near Christmas we got them some rope toys, and even though there were two of them they found it much more fun to fight over one or the other.  I don't think any serious injuries have been sustained, but they sure sound serious when they fight!  Even though she is smaller Jill is definitely the boss and more vocal.  Pandora was not a fan and fled to safety whenever the pups were in the kitchen!  Hope you enjoy these pics as much as we enjoyed the pups!

Hannah took refuge when the pups got rambunctious!

Jack was itchy!

My Toy!

Jack the chunker!

Snow Part Two!

The kids were so excited about the snow and ready to have fun!  Here is some photographic documentation of the snow day!  Unfortunately Andrew was sick (more on that later) and couldn't join us...

Old Buddy Bill!

Chris is prepared for the snow!

Chris and Hannah on the toboggan!

Dan is getting really good at Snow Boarding!

Alex on the disc!

Back up the hill...

Dan is actually snowboarding, he looks so natural...

Chris strapping Hannah in for a try...

Deb giving the snow board a try...

Snow Ball Fight! Every time Alex tried to use a shield he became the target!

More snow balls!

Watch out!

Ready, Aim, Fire!

Snow Angels!  Alex didn't get it...

Frosty XXL

I tried to copy one of Calvin's creations, but you can't see it well.

The head was a little too big...

The attack of the cute brigade!

Finished Frosty!

SNOW!!!

The old apple tree...

Feel free to laugh or moan, but weeks before heading to Mom and Dad's I began to pray for lots of snow during our trip North!  I think snow is one of the most beautiful parts of the changing of the seasons as ordained by our Lord!  Just think, no two snow flakes in the history of the world are the same (just like no two people are ever exactly the same)!  That is so hard for me to wrap my mind around, especially since conditions must be just right in order for snow to fall in the first place.  One would think similar conditions would produce a similar product, but our God is so much bigger and more creative than that!

I was on the lookout for the first signs of snow as soon as we hit Atlanta on our way North, but didn't see any until north of Chattanooga.  We just saw patches until getting close Lexington, that's when the ice started!  I'm sure it caused problems for folks when it fell, but the way it coated everything along the road was just gorgeous!  It turned the briars in the fences into glazed works of art and the trees into crystal statues.  Once north of Lexington the ice disappeared and was replaced by more and more snow. Thankfully the roads were great all the way, even up the hill!

Puppy prints in the snow...

On our third day we got a fresh snow and though I didn't think it was possible my excitement increased!  I had almost forgotten how fresh snow outlines all of the branches on a tree and all the clusters on a bush.  It is almost like God planned for the snow to enhance the architecture of the trees while them seem so naked and barren to some people.  On our way to Grandpa's I just kept drinking in the sight of the snow and got even more of a treat to see the rocks and boulders in the creeks highlighted by the snow and surrounded by the dark water... so yes I'm rambling, did I tell you I was excited about the snow?!?

Here are some of the sights I was able to savor while at Mom and Dad's...

Old Ice Man

I loved how snow sat on the fences.

The hay-barn and corral.

One of the old tobacco barns...

Along the drive-way...

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The bat wing bush hog

One of the discs.