When it all comes closing in...

I mentioned in an earlier post how challenging this semester has been for me.  I have had to deal with a lot of demands on my time and energy that often become overwhelming - especially when I have difficulty seeing the purpose in many of them.  Along with the typical stress these kinds of events bring on I have struggled on and off with lots of emotional responses ranging from fear of failure, to desperation that it will never get done, to anger brought on by the feeling that all of this extra stuff is keeping me from enjoying/experiencing all the firsts and lasts that accompany pregnancy. 

I admit, its not been pretty or godly most of the time, but I hope the encouragement the Lord gave me, after I finally submitted this season to Him, can be of some encouragement to you.

In response to the fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and fear in general, He showed me 2 Timothy 1:7 ~

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

 To the feelings of desperation that threatened to overwhelm me, He showed me Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

And 1 Corinthians 10:13 ~ 

No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

To the anger and concern that I was missing precious time with my husband and unborn son - and the underlying fears/worries associated with that anger - He showed me Matthew 6:25-34

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink, nor for your body, as to what you will put on.  Is not the life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not worth much more than they?  And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing?  Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil or spin, yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like them.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown in the furnace, will He not much more clothe you?  O you of little faith!  Do not worry then saying, "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink?" or "What will we wear?"  For the gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.  So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Also, He has added Psalm 139, specifically verse 16 ~

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.

Finally, to combat the loneliness that often accompanies all of this, He showed me Matthew 28:20 (b) ~

Lo, I will be with you always, even to the end of the age.

While I still have days that aren't so pretty, I am learning to be thankful for this time.  It has forced me to remember and depend on promises from the Lord - many of which I knew but wasn't living out.  I cannot take any credit for the good days.  The Lord is generous and working on my heart in spite of my selfish will.  When I take time to step back and look at the bigger picture I can be thankful for this time.  Without trials such as these I would not be as intimately acquainted with my God, the knowledge of His promises and attributes would remain just that - knowledge - not the life changing truth it is meant to be.  Without these trials we would miss the blessing of depending on Him, and Him alone, and the even more amazing blessing of surrendering ourselves and our wills to Him and getting to watch Him use us and work through us - doing things we never could alone or unsurrendered.  

Slowly, so slowly, I am learning to submit all of my life to the Lord and trust Him for each day, each hour, each breathe, and trying to prepare my heart for the work He has planned.