Breast Feeding: The Good, The Bad and The Milky

Ever since I figured out as a girl that human Moms make milk for their babies just like the all other Moms God created I just assumed that's what I was going to get to do when I became a Mom. As I got older I found out more and more reasons to breast feed my babies - best nutrition for baby, close frequent contact improves baby's brain development, reduced risk of cancer for Mom, delayed fertility return, free nutrition thats always at hand and speedier recovery were just a few of the many reasons I wanted to do this.

Not until I was pregnant did I really start to understand some of the challenges that might come with this decision. Sore nipples, mastitis, not having enough milk, and no sleep began clouding my ideal nursing image. I quizzed almost every nursing mom I knew to try to prep as much as possible for this exciting, yet intimidating, unknown.

Nothing I learned fully prepared me for the realities of this awesome, challenging and often exhausting job.

Almost two months after starting this journey I feel like I can finally start reflecting on this experience and share what it has been like for me. Of course every woman and baby is different, but this will at least serve as a memoir for me and might help you along the way too.

As with my pregnancy posts, I feel like this series needs a disclaimer. I tend to be insatiably curious once I start learning about something I might soon experience, I want all the details some one is willing to give. In the same way I want to share all the details I was previously curious about, or that took me by surprise. So, as previously stated, you might learn more about me than you wanted to know - consider yourself warned.

Secondly, as the title indicates, I'm going to talk about lots of aspects of nursing, including the bad and the ugly. This does not mean I regret nursing in any way or that I want to discourage anyone from trying it - but it doesn't come as naturally or easily as I assumed it should.

Now, with you properly warned, here come the the good, the bad and the milky details of my nursing experience!

Fun Baby Nic-names

Yep, it's happened. I have officially joined millions of mothers around the world who cannot speak normally to their baby. I can't even call him by his correct name most of the time. It just seems so much more appropriate to call him things like 'Bubby', 'Sweetpea', 'Baby Boy', 'Honey Buns', 'Babies' (yes, like there are multiple of him), 'Snuggly-man' and 'Stinker Winker'. Oh, and let's not forget the more official names, like 'Hound Dog', 'Froggy Legs' and the recently acquired 'Killer' due to his eating habits when especially hungry.

Why does a smart, post-grad woman use such silly names? I'm sure some of it is connected to sleep deprivation, but I really think its because his cuteness just evokes profuse cooing and these words just happen to bubble to the surface. Such a beautiful, snugly, perfect little person just breaks his mother's vocabulary because she doesn't have the words to express how cute, cuddly, wonderful, oh-so-schweet-and-ooo-sch-coo - erm, yeah, sorry 'bout that. I think you get the idea! :)

I mean, really, how can you not gush over someone so cute?

Reflections on Four Weeks of Mommy-hood

I lament how bitterly behind I feel in my blogging! I want to partially use this as a record of our lives as well as a way to keep you all updated on life here in Florida - and these first four weeks have flown without me posting much at all!  

So while I am behind I can't miss this momentous occasion - our baby is one month old!!!

I am continually amazed at our baby, despite long nights and a steep learning curve, my awe is new each morning when I greet our little man.

Many of you remember when we were working through our crazy-scary-earth-shaking decision about a year and a half ago.  When we finally made the decision to stop using the pill and trust the Lord more with the size and timing of our family I was terrified.  Don't get me wrong, I felt very convicted that this was the correct decision for our family and that where the Lord leads he will provide - but I was still scared out of my mind!  How many would the Lord send? When would He send them?  We can barely feed ourselves, how are we going to care for someone else?  Would I be a good Mom to more than one child?  What would it mean for my PhD if we got pregnant while still in Florida?  What if He didn't send us any?  These and many more questions danced across my mind in rapid succession many, many times before and during our pregnancy.  In my lower moments I succumbed to fear and worry, but in my better moments I was able to turn back to, and lean on, the promises that led us here in the first place.  Namely, "Children are a blessing", "Where the Lord leads He will provide", "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope."  

One of the hardest fears to defeat was, "Lord, what if you send us too many (to care for, to love, just plain too many)?"  I can honestly say, now that I have Eb in my arms, that fear has been completely demolished, and replaced with, "Lord, what if you don't send more?"

Being a mother has to be the most thrilling and sobering thing I have ever experienced.  It is a thrill to know that God creative spirit worked through my husband and I to form a whole new, completely unique soul!  He has trusted us with this little man, with his safety, training and growth.  I mean how cool is that!?!? The Lord trusts me of all people to raise this precious little person!  Add to that the wonder I feel at how perfectly Eb has been formed, down to his tiny finger nails.  That while this forming happened inside of me it was simultaneously independent of me, it is so amazing that I was allowed to physically be a vessel for God's handiwork.  The thrills continues daily as I watch Eb change and grow, anticipating the man he is going to become and delighting in every little coo and move.

These thrills are balanced with more sobering facts about motherhood.  God has trusted me, me, to raise and guide this baby into manhood.  I know it is only by God's grace that any one of us follows His heart and will - but that doesn't excuse me from the responsibility of actively and carefully parenting our boy and trying to guide Him in God's paths.  Chris and I do need to provide for his health and safety - his life is literally in our hands.  During these first few weeks I can't count how many times I have held my breath in the night to try and hear him breathe, or gotten up to check how warm he was.  I have never been so captivated by poo and pee!  Eb is going to be watching Chris and I as he grows up and, as we all know, children learn so much more from example than they do from spoken words.  This fact has made me so aware of what I am doing - and not doing.  While impressing on me how much I need to work on, it has also renewed my motivation to follow hard after God.  It is sobering to think of how fragile Eb's life is - each moment spent with him is an immense blessing.  The fact that he is a gift, that God is loaning me these moments, never leaves my mind and fills me with inexpressible gratitude.


I have a brand new appreciation for my parents and their love for my siblings and I.  I also have a new understanding of the Lord's love for us.  He is time and time again referenced as a father to us and we His children.  When I got married I wondered why the relationship of man and wife wasn't used more to represent God's love for us since it was the deepest love I had experienced - and, while having Eb has not diminished the love I feel for Chris (indeed, it has given that love whole new dimensions), it has introduced me to a whole new love that I simply could not comprehend before.  The parental love, the love of a mother.  It is so new, deep and wonderful that it is often overwhelming.  It brings tears to my eyes now that I can finally, fully, understand how I am loved - both by my parents and by the Lord.  It also shows me the depth of God's sacrifice when He offered His son, His only son, for me.

One thing above all that has been impressed on me during these weeks is how dependent I am on the Lord.  Obviously, I have always been dependent on Him, but being thrust into the role of "Mommy" shines a spotlight on that fact like nothing I've ever experienced.  Without His grace, I won't be able to raise my boy and reflect the light of Christ into His life.  Without His grace, I won't be able to keep my cool when he drags mud and assorted creatures into our house.  Without His grace, we won't be able to keep him fed, clothed and (somewhat) clean.  Without His grace, we won't be able to educate and direct him in the paths we see the Lord leading him to.  But, above all, without His grace, I would not have this beautiful baby boy.  Even though its only been four weeks, my life has been irrevocably changed, my heart marvelously knitted to this little life, and I can't imagine a future without our son.

In short, Mommy-hood has exhausted, scared and thrilled me like nothing I have ever experienced before - but in four short weeks I have also experienced more joy and gratitude than I imagined possible.  I cannot think of any greater gift.

Week Three/Four: Granddad, Aunts, Uncles and One Month Old!

My Dad came in just as Chris' parents were headed back home.  He brought Eb's Aunt Hannah and Uncle Alex along too!  They were able to gets lots of snuggle time in as well as some fishing and exploring around Gainesville!

I loved seeing Eb's tiny hands compared to my Dad's!

Eb was fascinated with Dad's new hat!

Smiling almost as big as the alligator in the background!

Checking out his Aunt Hannah!

Dad and Chris surprised me with these before Dad headed back home!

Learning to get comfy in the Moby Wrap!

One Month Old!

Must Escape!

"Mom, I'm hungry!"

"Hi-Ya!"

"Lalalala!"

Showing off for the camera!

They were both sooo sleepy!

Loving on Aunt Deb before she had to leave!

Week Three: Mamoo and Papoo

 Eb's third week was a busy one with lots of company and of course growing!  Here is a picture of his second (or third?) bath at home.  The first involved a lot more crying so we waited on photos until he had a more peaceful experience!

Before the rest of our company arrived Granddaddy and Shelby came to visit again, because, as Granddaddy said, once my Dad arrived no one else would get to hold Eb!

During this time Chris and Deborah were my expert chefs!  They did a wonderful job and have learned a lot of new recipes!

We really think Eb hit a growth spurt around this time and I was trying to show how long he was already!

I just cannot get enough snuggle time with my boy!

Joe and Shirley arrived for a short visit during this week and got lots of good cuddles in with their newest grandbaby!

Chris has been so amazing and supportive - many nights when Eb is up eating into the wee hours of the morning he has stayed up to keep me company and get me whatever I need... sometimes you just can't stay awake any longer though and Pandora was more than happy to keep him company!

Papoo (Joe) holding Eb and showing off his oh-so-cute baby toes!

Baby Cuteness: The second week

It was hard to see Mom and Hannah go at the end of Eb's first week, but it was good to have Deb here to continue helping us around the house!

Even though I know its best to sleep when Eb sleeps, it is so hard to put my little snuggler down!

Baby boy hand holding onto Momma's.

More sleepy smiles!  I can't wait for him to smile when he is awake!

An amazing arrangement from our sweet church family!