On the Move!

Ebenezer has gotten so much more mobile lately!  While he isn't consistently crawling, that doesn't keep him from getting around!  Most of the time he move using what we affectionately call 'the seal'.  He gets up on his hands and knees, walks his hands out and then uses them to pull his legs up.  Sometimes he adds in a push with his legs to get more speed.  Only a few times so far has he "properly crawled" with coordinated hands and knees movements.

He loves exploring around the living room!  In these pictures I am sitting still the whole time!  The only movement is from Eb!

I moved a little here to keep him in sight,
he turned around to make sure I was watching!

Graduating...

Yesterday we put away the co-sleeper for good. Eb has finally gotten too long for it, plus I'm afraid he will pull himself up on the edge of it and tip out!  We set up his big, beautiful crib on Monday and started him sleeping in it Monday night.  As I watched Chris pack up the co-sleeper I told him it felt like we were coming to the end of an age. While his room isn't ready for him to move into yet and his crib is in our room for now, I felt mingled sadness and excitement at the realization that he is that much closer to moving into his own room! Excitement at the progress and maturity this would indicate, sadness at how quickly he is growing up and taking these first mini steps of independence. He has plenty of room to grow in his new crib and enjoy looking out the window while he waits for me to get him from his nap!

You can't tell here but he has lots of room to grow!

Looking out the window.

Ha! I see you Mom!

It's a TOOF!!!

After months of drool, chewing, sleeplessness and occasional fussing Eb's first teeth have finally broken the surface! And what cute, tiny, white, little pearls they are! Mom actually noticed them first by a flash of white on his gums when we were visiting today. On closer inspection we could see that the left bottom tooth had already broken through and the right one was almost there! I can't stop exclaiming every time I see them!

This of course brings new concerns to feeding time - what do I do when ('when', I will not fool myself with 'if') he bites me while nursing!?! Now that he has teeth do we start introducing solids? Am I ready for him to be eating baby food (emotionally and with the right equipment)? I guess all if these will be answered soon, for now, he's got teeth!!! *Squeal!*

It might be hard to see but there's a pearly white on that bottom gum!

Aren't I a cutie!?!

You Might Be a Momma If...

Nursing is such a sweet time for bonding with Ebenezer. I find that as this has become more routine I am tempted to take it for granted and seek entertainment from books and my iPhone while he eats. I was brought back to reality of how precious these times are when I read the story of a Momma who lost her 4 month old to SIDS recently. That combined with how quickly he is growing reminded me that this precious season is a short one and only happens once.

So recently I have been putting down the phone and soaking in all the little moments I don't want to forget with my little man...

How he watches me while nursing, listening to me talk or sing until, with a roll of his eyes, he gives up and falls asleep...

How he always wants to touch me, whether that's holding my hand, grabbing my shirt or simply resting his hand on my chest.

The little ear imprint left in the crook of my arm after I lay him down.

How he sometimes tries to talk and smile with his mouth full - and the amazing range of motion he has with those eyebrows!

That hilarious rooting reflex that kicks in even when he's asleep! I take him off but he still gropes and hunts for more with his eyes closed and mouth open.

Marveling at his ability to breathe even though his nose is usually squished.

How beautiful his long, dark lashes look while he is asleep.

Finding myself overwhelmed with gratitude at the fact that this new little person is part of my life and praising God for every perfect detail.

Praying for his future and marveling at all the ways I feel God is going to use the little man. Sometimes it feels like I'm wrestling for some of that future...

Oh how sweet it is to be Mommy!

Changes...

Contentment is a funny thing.  You tell yourself (or at least I often tell myself) "if only this will happen I can be content" - but then that thing happens and new areas of discontent crop up.  Sometimes you don't recognize it, sometimes you feel foolish for it, sometimes it makes you despair.  I have been faced with the reality of this but had a really hard time putting the experience and process of working through it into words - then I found this post from one of my friends and she said it for me!  So I am going to shamelessly steal quote her post here.  "May name is als..." posted this on her blog It's Hip to Have an Opinion, and it beautifully sums up what I've been experiencing recently, and much more elegantly than I could have put it!

Change is a funny thing, we dread it, we crave it, we pray for it, we pray against it. Whatever the season, whatever the change it always seems to leave us feeling dazed and confused. For me personally change reveals a lot about my heart. I love control, I love predictability and preparation... I'm learning that after long seasons of waiting normally comes long seasons of change. Those very things like job security, finances, relationships, that you've been patiently waiting for the Lord to bring change in are finally happening and you realize control as you know it has come to an end.

When you're waiting, it's a contentment issue, resting in the plan that your Father has for you. Being patient even when it feels like he's forgotten about your little life. When you're experiencing change, it's a contentment issue. You wonder if the Lord's playing a joke on you. Like okay, I know I whined about being stagnant but you didn't have to give me a hurricane. All it takes is one small thing piled on top of another small thing and all of a sudden you're drowning in a sea of doubt and unbelief.

In those seasons I kind of feel like praying, look Father, I know you have a sense of humor, but really? Anything else you care to throw in the mix? International move, messy church splits, sickness, unknown test results, unreconciled relationships, new relationships, financial struggles, just to name a few. There are moments when I just stop and read the Psalms and think, I get it (hardly) this man had no easy life. But David was faithful to cry out for protection and peace, for strength and for grace reminds me that, my Father loves. He hears burnt out, afraid, hurting, bitter, angry, exhausted, hopeless, wandering people. He promises rest, mercy and grace for those who ask. It's a heart issue not a circumstance issue, it's not a matter of waiting or change, not a matter of difficulty or ease... it is about your heart.

Father forgive me for being quick to let life overwhelm and cloud my view of your gospel. Forgive me for forgetting that those things are meant to point me to you, seeing you more powerful and greater then those things. I pray for my family and friends who are hurting, and struggling to believe that precious truth. That you died to save them, their greatest need has been met and you supply all we need for the day. Help us be people of faith, in your name, amen.

The C-Section: Six months later

While six months sounds like a long time, this particular event, however, is still fresh in my mind and something I am conscious of every day. Here is a quick run down on recovery from my C-Section with Eb six months after the fact.

Disclaimer!  As usual I am giving you the amount of detail I would desire when talking with someone about something I might experience.  If you are concerned about getting TMI (too much information) about me I will not be offended if you skip this post! :)

Physically:

I do not have any of the original pain I had in the beginning, but my scar area does give me sharp twinges on occasion as the nerves continue to heal and the scar tissue gets tugged around. I still have a pretty broad strip above the scar that is numb, although it is smaller than it was originally and some of it has that tingly "asleep" feeling as the nerves slowly heal. Oddly enough I have full feeling below the scar, I'm not sure if this has to do with the kind of cut or is related to my make-up and why I still had some sensation during the surgery.

I can get out of bed like a normal person again! For a long time instead of sitting up to get up in the mornings I would roll to the side. This kept me from straining the incision and initially avoided a lot of pain. Although I have been able to engage my abs without any painful reprisal for some time now, it took some mental preparation and retraining to change the rolling habit.

The doctors encouraged me to break up the scar tissue as much as possible to avoid complications in future pregnancies/deliveries.  Also, if there is scar tissue between muscle fibers they do not heal as strongly as they could.  This has involved massaging and rolling around the scar - not something to look forward to every night, but I can tell a difference.  At fist this was very scary and painful, I was worried I would open something.  Now there is much less resistance and scar tissue to work through.  It can still be uncomfortable, but not as bad as it was.

While I can use my abs again they still have a lot of recovery to go!  They still don't feel as strong as they were before I got pregnant.  Some of this is due to being so stretch during pregnancy, but some of it is due to the numbness and not feeling like I have total control over the muscles yet.  I have really just started felling confident about doing strength training and ab workouts the last month or so.  Before that I was concerned about incurring an injury even though the doctors assured me that the incision was as strong as it would ever be by about three months.

While I feel like my recovery has gone swimmingly (no complications or infections, praise the Lord!), I still don't feel all the way healed.  I am still protective of my stomach and, to a certain degree, I still feel fragile, like a bowl that was broken and glued back together - even if the bowled was repaired with super glue you still tend to handle it gingerly in the future.  I hope as I become more accustomed to this new "normal" and as I work on abdominal strength this feeling will continue to diminish.

Emotionally:

While I know its not logical I still have a lot of negative feelings about the C-section and the conditions which precipitated it.  This is an area that I have to continually return to the Lord with for repentance and trust that He has all of this in control!  In addition to concerns surrounding the actual C-section I find myself worrying about the consequences of this on future future child bearing.  Will my stomach be strong enough to carry anther baby?  How many C-sections can I safely have?  Will I be able to have a V-BAC?  All of these and many more swim through my head at random times.  When they threaten to overwhelm me I have to return to the promises we leaned on when deciding whether to get pregnant or not the first time - the Lord knows our needs, He wants and is fully capable to meet them, He knows the plan of our life better than we do and wants our good!  In spite of my disappointment I am finding more peace that this is the way Ebenezer needed to come into the world - and boy am I thankful he made it here safely!

Anniversary update

 This is terribly overdue but I wanted to post about our fun anniversary date! About a week after our anniversary Chris took me to paint pottery in Madison! This is something I've wanted to do for a long time but never had the chance and Chris was wonderful enough to treat me with it!

Our color inspiration.

Chris gave me a budget and then let me pick our piece - it took a little while... Okay a long time! My only defense is that there were so many fun pieces and ideas to choose from! We finally settled on a big salad bowl and wanted to use a kind of paint they called chunky with some drippy glaze overtop. I was so excited!

The paint had a base bluish color with little gravel like pieces, which they explained exploded in the firing process to reveal different colors. The glaze made the paint drippy wherever they touched. We used an iron looking color on the bottom for the blue to drip over. It sounds really complicated but the whole process was pretty straight forward and we were only working with three paints.

Don't mock my smock or I'll clean your clock!

Ebenezer did great! Chris and I took turns holding/playing with him and he talked almost the whole time. He loved the ceiling fans and squealed at them whenever he caught sight of them, he even nursed and napped a little while! While one of us had Eb the other worked on the bowl. It took longer than we expected because everything but the glaze needed three coats and you needed to blow dry between each coat. It was still fun though!

The first coat!

Once we finished it was so hard to leave our bowl there and wait for the week it would take to fire and transform into a beautiful, useable piece - but it was worth the wait!

I love that we now have a fun, tangible memory for this anniversary!

En Gaurde!

The Master at work!

Our colors.

Drying..

Before we left...

All that hard work deserved some dinner!

After a long week we brought home this...

The finished product!
A little more drippy than intended but still cool!

I love where the 'gravels' fell in the middle!