You Might be a Momma If...

... As you are trying to fit some exercise into the window between naps, meals, laundry and when the baby is happy a certain little man decides to up the difficulty level by pretending your legs are a tunnel for his tractor and trailer.... And you can't help but smile.

You Might Be a Momma if... Cherishing Evie

... while rocking and burping your beautiful baby girl you are suddenly and painfully aware of how fleeting this exact moment is - with that realization comes a desperate plea to the Lord to help you remember just what this feels like - her tiny body completely relaxed against your chest, her little arm limply hanging off your shoulder, how her downy little head fits so perfectly in your cupped hand, her incredibly soft and kissable cheeks, the precious knuckle dimples on the hand curled around your finger, her round diaper bottom in your hand, the reassuring sound of her breathing by your ear, the overwhelming joy and responsibility of caring for her every need and nourishment, her slightly pouty relaxed mouth, the complete peace of her at rest in my arms.  Thank you Lord!  Please help me not only remember these moments when they are gone but also soak them up, appreciate and fully live in them now.  Please help me distinguish between the truly important and merely urgent details of life so that I don't miss any opportunity to cherish these amazingly sweet moments you have blessed me with.  Please let me not be distracted from these moments by the frivolities that pull so incessantly at my heart and mind - help me to instead be captivated by these beautiful lives you have entrusted me with so I can look back on this time with joy and contentment - not regret.

You Might Be A Momma If...

...After dropping your bowl of soup and muttering "shoot", you hear a tiny voice behind you say "shoot.... shoooot.... sshhhoot.... SHOOT!"

Suddenly you realize that time has come to be more cautious than ever about what comes out of your mouth - not only are little ears listening, but now little mouths, minds and hearts are mimicking!

You Might Be A Momma If...

... You have a black belt in 'stealth run', commonly used when trying to reach one baby before he/she wakes the other.

You might be a Momma if...

... shaving your legs at 39 and 1/2 weeks pregnant makes you feel a little too much like superwoman.

You might be a Momma if...

Elbow dimples and little thigh legs rolls absolutely melt your heart!  Eb has spent the last several months in long sleeves and pants, so these adorable features are taking me by surprise while he plays in his summer clothes!  They are so much cuter in action, but the only time I can catch them on film is when he's asleep!

GAH!!! I just want to smother that elbow in kisses!

You might be a Momma if...

... You tried to put clean glasses away in the freezer.

You might be a Momma if...

... You are thrilled beyond words to have your wedding ring back on your finger - even if it did have to be sized up to get there!

I haven't been able to wear my bridal set since two months before Eb was born.  I had been resisting getting it sized in the hopes that I would get back to where it fit properly, and I did come close.  However with Evie and the hot weather coming on, and the extra swelling I know comes with both, I took the plunge and got at least my band sized.  While I still miss my engagement ring, its nice to have a ring back on my finger, and maybe the next time I get a ring sized it will be taking this one back down to its original size :)

You might be a Momma if...

You just realized you are doing the exact same thing you used to swear you wouldn't do (and maybe even judged other Mom's a little for doing it) - like kissing your baby on the mouth. Yep - humbling.

You might be a Momma if...

... You can crack and peel a boiled egg one handed while the other hand is occupied by keeping the teething baby on your hip.

You might be a Momma if...

.... You have accepted that between the baby and the cat you may never visit the bathroom alone again.

You might be a Momma if...

It melts your heart that your son pats you while he is falling asleep.

You might be a Momma if...

... You have a new reason to tie your sweat pants - that little man who is learning to pull up and stand doesn't differentiate between sweats, jeans, skirts or chair legs and doesn't mind exposing his mother in the process!

You might be a Momma if...

... You have the Bath Time book memorized.

Ebenezer loves this book!  He loves pointing to the toys we read about and squeaking the pig's nose at the end!  And yes we've read it so many times I could recite it in my sleep - and do recite it to him as we are getting ready for bath sometimes!

Hello Aunt Flow!

Welcome to another potentially TMI post! Just like some of my pregnancy posts I'm giving you a chance to back out now in case you are concerned about learning more than you ever wanted to know about me!

One of my most common questions to other nursing Mom's had been 'when did your fertility return?' Like everything else, I learned the answer to this question is as individual as those people I was asking! That didn't keep me from asking though! For some reason it gave me security to expand my knowledge base. Even though I knew my body would act totally independent of any predictions I made, the illusion of knowing what was going on made me feel better. :) If you are expanding your own knowledge base I thought it only would be neighborly to share my experience, plus I want to remember for later because my brain has been proven very unreliable!

On the 23rd of August, just a few days after Eb turned 7 months, I had ovulation pains - something I've never experienced before. September 2nd Aunt Flow returned full throttle and normal. As you know from Eb's updates he started tastes of solids the day after his seven month B-day, but it was in no way displacing his nursing frequency. Also, he has not been sleeping through the night since teething really kicked in at about 3 and 1/2 months. I mention these because they are the two most common events associated with fertility (introduction of solids and sleeping through the night). Age is also part of fertility rebound, with most women regaining full fertility around 6 months even if they are still exclusively nursing. So whichever combination worked for my body, it resulted in Aunt Flow returning from her year + sabbatical.

Strange, TMI, maybe a little icky, but that's where we are now!

You Might Be a Momma If...

Nursing is such a sweet time for bonding with Ebenezer. I find that as this has become more routine I am tempted to take it for granted and seek entertainment from books and my iPhone while he eats. I was brought back to reality of how precious these times are when I read the story of a Momma who lost her 4 month old to SIDS recently. That combined with how quickly he is growing reminded me that this precious season is a short one and only happens once.

So recently I have been putting down the phone and soaking in all the little moments I don't want to forget with my little man...

How he watches me while nursing, listening to me talk or sing until, with a roll of his eyes, he gives up and falls asleep...

How he always wants to touch me, whether that's holding my hand, grabbing my shirt or simply resting his hand on my chest.

The little ear imprint left in the crook of my arm after I lay him down.

How he sometimes tries to talk and smile with his mouth full - and the amazing range of motion he has with those eyebrows!

That hilarious rooting reflex that kicks in even when he's asleep! I take him off but he still gropes and hunts for more with his eyes closed and mouth open.

Marveling at his ability to breathe even though his nose is usually squished.

How beautiful his long, dark lashes look while he is asleep.

Finding myself overwhelmed with gratitude at the fact that this new little person is part of my life and praising God for every perfect detail.

Praying for his future and marveling at all the ways I feel God is going to use the little man. Sometimes it feels like I'm wrestling for some of that future...

Oh how sweet it is to be Mommy!

The C-Section: Six months later

While six months sounds like a long time, this particular event, however, is still fresh in my mind and something I am conscious of every day. Here is a quick run down on recovery from my C-Section with Eb six months after the fact.

Disclaimer!  As usual I am giving you the amount of detail I would desire when talking with someone about something I might experience.  If you are concerned about getting TMI (too much information) about me I will not be offended if you skip this post! :)

Physically:

I do not have any of the original pain I had in the beginning, but my scar area does give me sharp twinges on occasion as the nerves continue to heal and the scar tissue gets tugged around. I still have a pretty broad strip above the scar that is numb, although it is smaller than it was originally and some of it has that tingly "asleep" feeling as the nerves slowly heal. Oddly enough I have full feeling below the scar, I'm not sure if this has to do with the kind of cut or is related to my make-up and why I still had some sensation during the surgery.

I can get out of bed like a normal person again! For a long time instead of sitting up to get up in the mornings I would roll to the side. This kept me from straining the incision and initially avoided a lot of pain. Although I have been able to engage my abs without any painful reprisal for some time now, it took some mental preparation and retraining to change the rolling habit.

The doctors encouraged me to break up the scar tissue as much as possible to avoid complications in future pregnancies/deliveries.  Also, if there is scar tissue between muscle fibers they do not heal as strongly as they could.  This has involved massaging and rolling around the scar - not something to look forward to every night, but I can tell a difference.  At fist this was very scary and painful, I was worried I would open something.  Now there is much less resistance and scar tissue to work through.  It can still be uncomfortable, but not as bad as it was.

While I can use my abs again they still have a lot of recovery to go!  They still don't feel as strong as they were before I got pregnant.  Some of this is due to being so stretch during pregnancy, but some of it is due to the numbness and not feeling like I have total control over the muscles yet.  I have really just started felling confident about doing strength training and ab workouts the last month or so.  Before that I was concerned about incurring an injury even though the doctors assured me that the incision was as strong as it would ever be by about three months.

While I feel like my recovery has gone swimmingly (no complications or infections, praise the Lord!), I still don't feel all the way healed.  I am still protective of my stomach and, to a certain degree, I still feel fragile, like a bowl that was broken and glued back together - even if the bowled was repaired with super glue you still tend to handle it gingerly in the future.  I hope as I become more accustomed to this new "normal" and as I work on abdominal strength this feeling will continue to diminish.

Emotionally:

While I know its not logical I still have a lot of negative feelings about the C-section and the conditions which precipitated it.  This is an area that I have to continually return to the Lord with for repentance and trust that He has all of this in control!  In addition to concerns surrounding the actual C-section I find myself worrying about the consequences of this on future future child bearing.  Will my stomach be strong enough to carry anther baby?  How many C-sections can I safely have?  Will I be able to have a V-BAC?  All of these and many more swim through my head at random times.  When they threaten to overwhelm me I have to return to the promises we leaned on when deciding whether to get pregnant or not the first time - the Lord knows our needs, He wants and is fully capable to meet them, He knows the plan of our life better than we do and wants our good!  In spite of my disappointment I am finding more peace that this is the way Ebenezer needed to come into the world - and boy am I thankful he made it here safely!

You might be a Momma if....

You can tell just by your baby's toes if he's still asleep...

You might be a Momma if...

You want to hold on to moments like this forever...

You might be a Momma if...

... You hear yourself say something like, "I know you were there first but it's his toy. Well if you don't want him to step on you get out of the Exersaucer! Don't you dare bite him just because you want him out of the way!" .... And you're talking to the cat.