So, I kept putting this post off and finally had to admit I'm avoiding it even though I know it is necessary. Probably part of the avoidance is that all of these struggles are still fresh and I really don't want to relive them again, another part is I am still working through a couple of them, so I wouldn't really say I'm completely recovered - even ten weeks after the fact. That being said I still feel like the story isn't complete without this addition. Because of the aforementioned reasons fr avoidance I probably won't go in as much detail just so I can get this over with as quickly as possible :)
Tear-
The most pressing thing to recover from was the tear I developed during Evie's delivery. As soon as I was settled in bed and somewhat cleaned up (with in about 15 minutes after delivery of afterbirth), Wantina started repairing my tear. She must have done a great job numbing me because I didn't feel almost any of it. Unfortunately, when she came to check on me a couple days later the stitches were pulling out and I was still in extreme discomfort. By Saturday we decided I better risk going into the nurse midwife's office to see what they could do because Wantina was afraid to re-stitch me since it had been open for so long - the concern being that it wouldn't hear properly. I say 'risk' because we still would rather not have to outright reveal we had a planned homebirth, and if I went in with stitches that would be quite the giveaway, so Wantina removed what was left of them on Sunday. This brought about an epiphany - Wantina had used dyed stitches. I am highly sensitive to dyes and we believe that is why the stitches wouldn't hold. This suspicion was further confirmed when I felt somewhat better with the stitches out. Monday was a whopper, we went to Evie's weight check, hearing test, saw the lactation consultant and went to the nurse midwife all in one day. We went in fully expecting them to refer us to an OB who would rough up the tissue before sewing me back up, something I might have to be put under for, and were shocked when she said I could still be stitched up and went right to work! This sucked by the way. Although she put something on my skin it felt like she didn't numb me at all. I was all but screaming by the time she was finished. Fortunately, she used undyed and the stitches held, though of course they were still uncomfortable for weeks. (Note to self UNDYED VYCRYL is okay for my skin.) I was so scared of them coming out again I stayed in bed the whole next week and a half (pretty much in bed for the first two weeks of Evie's life because of these crazy stitches!). During that time I was doing some afterbirth herbal rinses, rinsed every time I went to the bathroom (to prevent infection), took comfry tincture orrallly, upped my zinc and C intake, applied arnica gel to help with swelling and bruising, and took arnica internally as well. I was also on quite a bit of tylenol and ibuprofen for the first couple weeks. Even after I started getting up I was extremely slow and careful for the next week. The stitches finally dissolved around week 7 and we were cleared for intimacy around that time too. While possible that area of our life is no where near as easy or comfortable as it was before, even now. Although the midwife said to contact her if it was painful I'm afraid to because I don' want to got through the healing process again if some new procedure is recommended. I think Wantina's procedure would have been fine and I would have healed more quickly and neatly - if only we had used undyed!
Pink Eye/ Belly Button
This is for Evie, not me, but I'm recounting it here because it was stressful for me and took some recovery in that regard. Evie's umbilical cord fell off within five days but continued to ooze. It was stressing me out so when she was about ten days old Wantina used silver nitrate on it for me. Shortly thereafter she got some gunk going on in her eyes, had what I thought was heat rash and I was showing signs of thrush so I wanted her to be treated at the same time as me so we had to go in to the pediatrician. Right before this some of the silver nitrate rubbed off early and left a spot on Evie's belly button looking shocking pink. When the ped. saw it she pretty much freaked out on me that I let someone else treat her and all around made me feel like a bad Mommy. She gave me some medicine for her eye and refused to treat her for thrush because she couldn't see plaque in her mouth. In spite of her reprimands Evie healed up nicely within days after that and many Mom's have assured me the nitrate is standard procedure for a weepy or stubborn umbilical area. Evie's eye also healed up within days. I will not be going to that doctor again and we are in search of a different family doctor.
Thrush
As I mentioned above, we got thrush (a yeast infection affecting Mom's breasts and baby's mouth). Again, I'm not good with dates, I was just starting to get up and around so I'm guessing we were two-three weeks from birth. Nursing had been more painful than I remembered with Eb and remained that way for some time. We suspected a tongue tie, and confirmed it with a lactation consultant, but it wasn't severe and with my tear we weren't up for the travel required to get it fixed. But then the pain got worse and I noticed bright pink slick patches around my nipples, and Evie started getting severe gas that did not seem related to my diet. Once I oticed the pink patches was when I called both the midwife and the pediatrician. The midwife's nurse was awesome, she took my symptoms over the phone ad had a prescription to me the same day ( a 14 day supply of fluconozole - antiyeast). After doing lots of research I also applied Gentian Violet, t treat both Evie and me, and a combo of myconozole cream, neosporin cream and cortizone cream topically. I also started Evie on tiny doses of probiotics (dipped a wet pinky in probiotic powder and gave that to her once a day) After five days I started feeling better, after ten the pain was gone and we were back to nursing normally. Also Evie's gas was almost gone - or at least back to what I consider normal levels.
Postpartum Depression
This one took me longer to catch and I'm still struggling with it some, but its much improved. I think what I had was as much postpartum anxiety as it was depression, but I did have the depressive symptoms and feelings of apathy toward Evie characteristic of PPD as well. I think Evie was 7 weeks when it all came to a head and I realized most of my stress and issues could be explained by PPD. I talked to Wantina to see if there were some natural remedies to try before antidepressants and she recommended Inositol, a member of the B vitamin family sometimes called B8. She also recommended extra B vitamins and a thyroid supplement. I also checked with Dr. Grome and he recommended more Drenamin for adrenal support. The next night I was armed with Drenamin, Thyrtrophin PMG and a B complex containing Inositol. I took all three and felt noticeably better before bed. The next day I felt almost like myself again! It was great! I also felt that missing affection for Evie. I still have rough days, but they are not the norm and I now have the ability to rally and recover. When I'm consistent with the supplements I really see the biggest difference.
Parenting Two Babies
Of all the things this really has been the most difficult, and I'm still struggling with the new balance on a daily basis. I love both of these little people more than I can express and it pains me to no end that I cannot give them the time and attention I desire. I just can't. Every Mom I've talked to says the transition from 1 to 2 is by far the hardest in this area. I don't regret growing our family in the slightest, I just wish I could have duplicated myself in the process so I could continue giving Eb all his attention while giving Evie the same attention I was able to give Eb. But that's part of learning to share and learning independence I suppose. And I know it will be worth it when they can benefit from the love they will e able to give each other, which I would never have been able to give them were either one an only child. None the less this part is still a work in progress.
Sorry this post sounds depressing, which is why I procrastinated!!! These first weeks have been a difficult transition, but I would not trade them for anything because in the midst of all this pain, healing, frustration and growing I have had the great joy of getting to know Evie, I have watched Eb take on the role of big brother and show his baby sister incredible amounts of love and affection, I have seen Chris grow in his role as father and how he parents a baby girl, and above all I am learning that our God is extremely faithful even in times of trial. In almost every difficulty help came at just the right time, we were spared serious injury, we were given natural alternatives and we saw our petitions answered time and time again. Every pain experienced was a small cost to get to get our little girl in this world and I am so thankful for her every day!
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